I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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