Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
