i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
