im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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