i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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