I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
