There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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