The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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