I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
