We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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