i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize