Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
