I'm going to jail i love you
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
