Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
