It's like God shit irony all over that family
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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