Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize