Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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