so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
