You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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