apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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