You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
