my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
