tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
