and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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