I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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