I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
