I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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