I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
