Me. At least after what I've been through.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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