you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize