I have demons in me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
