Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
