So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
