my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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