So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
