I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
