i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
