Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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