woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
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I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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