we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
third nipple confirmed
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize