This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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