I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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