I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
