How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
