as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
