Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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