I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
