i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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