So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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