Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
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If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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