this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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