Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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