Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize