you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
